It seems like the n00bz all want to define ‘black hat’ as ‘anything Google says is naughty!’ Of course, that would include things like keyword stuffing, which [...]]]> I really miss the days when people used the term ‘black hat’ to indicate fun-yet-illegal SEO techniques that took some style and technical know-how to pull off effectively.

It seems like the n00bz all want to define ‘black hat’ as ‘anything Google says is naughty!’ Of course, that would include things like keyword stuffing, which takes all the subtlety and class of a hammer to execute.

As someone who is a pragmatic SEO – which is to say I wear whatever hat is needed for the weather conditions – this makes me sad. When I do black hat, I don’t want to be grouped in with a bunch of asshats in dunce hats. I want to be classed with pirates and ninjas and dark lords of the Sith.

It’s excellent to see that such big dreams can still be made reality. I genuinely do not comprehend how Cha Cha will ever monetize the mobile search thing they’re doing. They already eliminated [...]]]> …when any jerk could get venture capital for a web start-up, even without the faintest clue how the service would ever make money?

It’s excellent to see that such big dreams can still be made reality. I genuinely do not comprehend how Cha Cha will ever monetize the mobile search thing they’re doing. They already eliminated the guided search they were doing, which would have at least allowed for display advertising on the interface screens. Within an SMS, they have 160 characters for an answer to any question. Advertising isn’t going to happen, unless they spam people separately, and that’s already considered semi-illegal in most cases.

As near as I can figure, the new business plan is to be acquired by the Yellow Pages, or Google411.

I wonder what dumb idea I can have to get a $10M VC round. I can be inspired by the movie The Producers

(the 1968 original, with Zero Mostel, if you please). Only I’ll try to avoid singing, dancing, or jail, and you’ll thank me for avoiding the first two.

If you read their FAQ, data is shared via the opt-in feature of Google Analytics, which various people have pointed out is hidden in the GA interface.

You can opt-out of the Google Analytics sharing, but you can’t opt your site [...]]]> Google is now providing ‘trend data’ to web site owners. Neato, eh?

If you read their FAQ, data is shared via the opt-in feature of Google Analytics, which various people have pointed out is hidden in the GA interface.

You can opt-out of the Google Analytics sharing, but you can’t opt your site out of the Trends interface without opting out of the index entirely.

Sure, there are plenty of ways to turn up competitive research. Google is simply making it idiot-friendly. No finesse will be required, although sure, you can question the accuracy/value of the data via this source all you want. People will use it anyway.

I, myself, will be investing in additional aluminum foil.

Eyes Wide Shut trailer

Hero Wanted movie

Arsenic and Old Lace dvd

been released that may even include something like [...]]]> I’ve been planning a rant about the baby-industrial complex, which I have concluded to be EVEN MORE EVIL than the marriage-industrial complex. However, it seems a new book’s

Eyes Wide Shut trailer

Hero Wanted movie

Arsenic and Old Lace dvd

been released that may even include something like research on the whole topic, not just my general rantiness.

Amazon sez:

Pamela Paul (Pornified: How Pornography Is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families), mother of two, probes the business of parenting, exposing the high price of raising kids in our consumer-driven nation. Paul points out that it costs upwards of a million dollars to raise a child in the U.S. these days, especially if one buys into the theory that baby must have everything on the market. Following the money, Paul dissects the booming baby business, including smart toys that don’t really make kids smarter, themed baby showers and parenting coaches and consultants. The text is a tireless rundown of parents’ seemingly bottomless pocketbooks when it comes to bringing up baby, and according to Paul this is not just an upscale, cosmopolitan phenomenon—throughout the country parents are reaching deep into their pockets to fuel this spiraling craze. Though Paul incorporates the pithy quotes of a number of experts, such as psychologist David Elkind’s observation, Computers are part of our environment, but so are microwaves and we don’t put them in cribs, readers may find themselves wishing for more commentary and less litany. But Paul isn’t preachy, although she does reveal that what babies really need is holding, singing, dancing, conversation and outdoor play.

Which isn’t far off from what I say, which is that MY parents raised me without a $400 stroller, let alone an $800 stroller, and I seem to be a functioning member of society JUST FINE. (For those who might debate that, I will observe that I am employed, lack a criminal record, and have an excellent FICO score, regardless of anything else you might choose to observe about me. I did finally get a hair cut last week, too.)

My thing about the marriage industry is that they at once have the attempt to guilt you that ‘This is the best day of your life and will only happen once so it has to be perfect!’ issue running against the prevailing divorce rate. And also the fact that if it is, in fact, the best day of your life, everything else is downhill and wouldn’t that just suck? (Hm, maybe that explains the last 6 months of my life.)

With pregnancy and raising a child, the guilt stakes are far higher. The divorce rate is one thing, but do you want to risk your child not getting into a good college?! If you mess up a wedding, it’s just a wedding and hey, you’ll be divorced in 5 years anyway. If you mess up a child, SOCIETY WILL PAY! And the kid, of course.

The very existence of cashmere onsies appalls me. Let’s see, what do babies do? They do a very special triathlon: Eat, sleep, poop. Transitions tend to involve fussiness and crying. Dry-clean only? WHAT?

Y’all can start reporting me to child welfare when my child wears cheap cotton onesies that machine wash warm, tumble dry low. I’m ok with that.

They regularly put giant inflatable things out front to advertise ’sales.’ There’s always a sale. We sometimes [...]]]> I live not far from a used car dealership that is an outpost in one of those dealer mega-empires. This one is a bargain lot – you know, we’ll advance you your tax refund for a down payment, etc.

They regularly put giant inflatable things out front to advertise ’sales.’ There’s always a sale. We sometimes give directions on where to turn with the inflatables: “Turn left at the giant inflatable clown, before you pass the giant inflatable space alien across the street.”

This week is a MONSTER OF A SALE. The featured inflatable is a giant pink gorilla wearing polka-dot boxer shorts, lipstick, and nail polish. However, this pink, cosmeticked gorilla is wearing no shirt.

I am now baffled as to the gender messaging of this gorilla. It is just a topless girl gorilla (who is wearing boxer shorts)? Is it a cross-dressing male gorilla, and thus the toplessness? Am I just overexamining the subtext here? (probably)

For instance, today the Associated Press tells us the horrifying tale of a giant python eating a dog in Australia.

They even provide pictures!

I doubt this is going to be useful for my client, but this is important news to be [...]]]> It’s strange the things one discovers online while doing potentially productive work on behalf of clients.

For instance, today the Associated Press tells us the horrifying tale of a giant python eating a dog in Australia.

They even provide pictures!

I doubt this is going to be useful for my client, but this is important news to be aware of, as pythons are apparently an imminent threat in much of the United States. After all, the San Francisco Chronicle tells us pythons may invade California

. Per their article, coming from Florida:

At 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.

In the meantime, think of all the dogs at risk between Florida and California! And beavers. The article specifically discusses how much determined giant pythons might like to eat beavers. You might want to keep an eye on Rover between now and 2020.

It reminds me of the nature discussion I went to with my mom once, where the habits of suburban coyotes were tracked. They found coyotes (which are relatives of dogs, right?) mostly lived near restaurant dumpsters and along drainage lakes and creeks. Mom let them set up a tracking station under our back porch, which was near a creek. They found that suburban coyotes ate a lot of squirrel, bunny… and common housecats whose owners were convinced kitty needed to run free.download Blackball

I will believe it when I see it occur. I am watching about 10 sites to see if it picks up. Even when it does, it will not remove my general belief that MSN Search is stinky.